Remodeling

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Behavior modification is often the method sought out by well meaning mothers and fathers parenting children, whether the children come from hard places or not. See a behavior you don’t like? Let’s change it. There are a variety of methods available for behavior change, some more parent-child connecting than others, some actually harmful to the parent-child relationship. But what they all have in common is the belief that at the root of mankind’s problem are some behaviors we need to be altered by renovating or making over what is already there.

King David knew this is not the way toward lasting change. And he needed lasting change.

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from Your presence and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.  Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and sustain me with a willing spirit.Psalm 51:10-12

This is David’s prayer after becoming overwhelmed with the weight of his sin. He prays for something he doesn’t currently have – a heart clean from corruption that stems from sin. In Hebrew clean heart is lev tahor. Lev is heart and tahor is clean. To the ancients (the ones to whom the scriptures were written) heart didn’t mean that blood pumping organ, and it didn’t mean just where we ‘feel’ things; it meant the seat of the mind and will. We moderns might think of the brain to be the seat of these things, but to David it was in the heart that not only emotion lay, but also volition (the power of one’s will) and cognition (thinking).What made him him resided in the heart.

What David recognizes is that he needs something new, and a plain reading of this verse in English suggests that. But there is something wonderful that is hidden within the Hebrew language that is missed in English. Hebrew has two words that are translated as create: bara and yatsar. Of course David knows these two words and their significant differences.

David does not use the standard verb which means to do, to fashion, to make (yatsar), referring to shaping something from existing material. Instead, David, the man after God’s own heart (1 Samuel 13:14; Acts 13:22), uses the Creator verb, bara’.   Bara’ is about bringing into being something that was not there before. “In the beginning God bara’ the heavens and the earth” (Genesis 1:1). Bara’ is only used in the scriptures with God as the object. Only God can make something out of nothing.

David’s lev houses the essence of who he is and he knows that it is inadequate to be ‘re-built’ by anything already existing. In other words, he can not provide this building project himself – only God can bara’. David doesn’t need a renovation project, he needs a new house; he doesn’t need a makeover, he needs a new birth.

David teaches us that we can’t reform ourselves apart from God creating a new heart in the way that only He can. It is Creation week all over again.

May we look for only for that which brings lasting behavior change to your life and the lives of your children. Quick fixes through behavior modification only shape what is already there. Pray that God will bara – it is what He is so good at!

 

(Unless the LORD builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Proverbs 127:1)

Power

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Do you ever feel powerless to effect change in the chaos of trauma in your son or daughter’s life? I know I sure have. Some days it was so bad that I questioned whether my sons were even better off in our family.  Those were hard days, but they passed. Not because of anything I did, but just because of the natural ebb and flow of parenting children from trauma backgrounds. Some days are just harder. Then they get better.

Webster’s dictionary defines power as “the ability to act or produce an effect”. In my attempts to gain power over the chaos, I often turned to self help books on parenting traumatized kids – even in the early days I had a shelf of them. I’d try this method, then that. I was looking for a power source to battle their issues. I looked for power, out of love for them. And desperation. Knowledge is power, to quote Thomas Jefferson.

I would like to suggest that we be mindful of what power we are trying to harness in our pursuit of healing for our children. It may be that our best intentions will lead us down paths not meant for us. To whom or to what program are we looking for solutions? Psychology? Neuroscience? Evidenced-based practices that are trauma-based? At what point do allegiance to and reliance on these powers cause us to veer away from the only real solution?

I came across a shocking (to me) realization in the Word of God today. God doesn’t want us looking for any other power source except Him. Ok, sure, I have always thought that was a safe assumption. But perhaps it is not only an assumption, but rather a command that we need to adjust our lives around.

Exodus 20 tells us And God spoke all these words:

“I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.

“You shall have no other gods before me.

First off, let’s be mindful that deliverance from slavery in Egypt parallels deliverance from anything that had us (or our children) in bondage, including traumatic past experiences.  We are reminded that God brings people out of bondage. Then we are told how to partake of that truth.

Have no other gods.

At least, that is what I was taught is the plain meaning. And if I was being honest, I thought it a bit archaic to modern life, because, after all, our cultural doesn’t celebrate a plethora of gods does it? And for those of the Judeo-Christian beliefs, we’re mono-theistic anyway, so it seems unnecessary, or a ‘duh! moment’. Even when I read it (with the help of translators) in the Hebrew, it reads “you shall have no elohimbefore me.

Elohimand the shortened form El are universally recognized as a name of God, and also translated as god with a lowercase g. So far we still have the same translation: have no gods before me. Ok, we are back to a command toward monotheism. Or are we? What if el and elohim are not just a name of God, or reference to false gods.

Take a look at this verse from Genesis 31 (especially notice the Hebrew words in bold).

It is in my power (EL) to do you harm, but the God (Elohim) of your father spoke to me last night, saying, ‘Be careful not to speak either good or bad to Jacob.’ Genesis 31:29 NASB

This is Laban speaking to Jacob. The word ‘power’ is the Hebrew word el, shortened for elohim! No one translates this verse as “It is in my god to do you harm”. Context tells us that Laban uses el as “power,” not “god.” Now let’s take another look at the second commandment:

“You shall not have any other elohim before Me.” Now we know that sometimes el or elohim can just as easily signify any force believed to be powerful, even if it is not divine.

Are we actually being told to not have allegiance to other “powers” besides God? Does that change the commandment for you? It does for me. And this includes what kinds of power sources to choose from in the fight against the chaos of traumatic early life experiences. What are YOU looking to to deliver you?

 

******thank you to the following source: David Fohrman, The Exodus You Almost Passed Over

 

Fidelity

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“Fidelity to the program” was something greatly emphasized by the organizations that trained me in trauma-informed care, as part of the education I received to do the work with adoptive families that I do. Fidelity means “the extent to which delivery of an intervention adheres to the protocol or program model originally developed”. For example, the ones who created Circle of Security Parenting and Trust-Based Relational Intervention did not want me attaching their name to the work I do in their name if I was going to deviate from their protocols. Therefore, I had to sign my name to documents attesting that I would stay true to their message, or not use their name for some hybrid method I came up with myself but said I was practicing their methods.

Fidelity to the program clauses are written to keep the integrity of the organization’s message the way it was originally intended by those who created it. It keeps from diluting the message, and preserves the name (or character) of the organization.

God has a fidelity clause for those who will take on His Name and His Covenant too, and I came across it today. It shows up here:

Deuteronomy 4: 2 You shall not add to the word which I am commanding you, nor take away from it, that you may keep the commandments of the Lord your God which I command you.

Deuteronomy 12: 32 [a]Whatever I command you, you shall be careful to do; you shall not add to nor take away from it.

May it be sobering to realize that the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob is judged by the world based on what the world sees in us – based upon our actions as His ambassadors! He is ‘unseen’, we are very visible to the world. What we do ‘in His name’ carries weight for how the world views Him.  It carries weight for those in our family and other spheres of influence.  When we ‘sign on’ to come under His protection and jurisdiction as our King, He expects us to be faithful witnesses of His holy standards, which are His commandments.

But are we? Or do we listen to those who have changed His message, tweaked it to suit themselves/ourselves? Are we muddying His character broadcast into the world by the ways we have deviated from His original message/commandments? Do we bring His Name honor or do we bring His name shame when we do not have fidelity to His program?

I pray that we all will spend more time seeking what it is that we are called to do when we say we follow Him. Seek what the Word says that His ‘program’ is. And do it, just as He said to do, adding nothing and taking away nothing that He has not authorized to be changed. Fidelity is the mark of the good and faithful servant (Matthew 5:23)

I am a work in progress in this area.

Attachment to God?

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One of the things I talk about with the families I serve is the attachment cycle, that built-in mechanism through which all infants learn about their world and their worth as a human being. Attachment is very important to proper human development. The cycle goes like this: (1) a baby has a need, (2) their body is alerted that something is not right in their world and they express this distress. (3) A caregiver comes to meet the need. (4) Trust develops. Baby learns that someone comes to help them.

Attachment relates to answering questions of identity such as ‘who am I?’ ‘Am I precious?’ ‘What is my place in this world?’ This cycle also sets the early stage for us humans to understand the world around us. “Is this a safe place?” Here is a graphic showing this cycle in infants, but keep in mind that this attachment cycle does not go away as the baby matures. All humans move through this cycle throughout our development. When a baby’s needs are met, attachment grows. In fact, this is the mechanism through which attachment grows.

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When needs are met with a caring adult, the cycle comes to a beautiful closure where the baby is satisfied. Then, when a new need arises, the infant knows that their expression of a new need (crying) will be satisfied by a caring person. And the cycle continues, getting stronger.

But when there exists no caring adult, this attachment cycle is broken. In the graphic below, arousal refers to the feelings and body sensations that occur due to the need. It is in the arousal stage that the infant expresses a need (#2 above).

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If a caregiver does not meet the infant’s need, this leads to emotional and physical distress and the cycle of attachment is broken. Infants who have had this cycle broken too many times will simply stop asking for help. In an infant, it may be that they just stop crying. But internally, they are still very much distressed and it will come out in other ways. As the infant develops physically, gowing into a child, then adolescent, then adult, this broken cycle from infancy still registers deep within them. They have come to believe that people are not trustworthy. This is broken attachment. They do not ask for help with words, but they may ‘act out’ due to unmet needs.

I use TBRI to support families with children who have come from a hard place – whose children have had this cycle of attachment broken too many times. Basically what I am doing is helping adoptive and foster parents support a new and healthy attachment between themselves and their child. There is always hope!

Let’s go back to the first picture I posted.

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Do YOU have this kind of attachment with your Heavenly Father? Admittedly, I am working on this, myself. Have you considered your attachment to God in this way? Do you have trouble ‘expressing a need’ because you don’t think He will meet your need? The psalmist knows the truth.

 

If you would like to learn more about how you can create a new and healthy attachment with your child, please let me know through the Get In Touch button. 

Hidden Identity

You are of a chosen generation. You are feeling that in-between space which consists of where you once were and where you are going In Him. Look to God’s creation for inspiration here. Is it any wonder that the caterpillar builds a cocoon to hide away from the world during its transformation? The hermit crab buries itself in sand as it molts. But the difference is that they do not stay in the in-between, they press on to NEWNESS as they hear the voice of their Creator calling unto them to TRANSFORM. And so they obey. Is it instinct? Is it more than instinct? What I know is that you are not meant to permanently dwell in this in-between stage you find yourself in; you are not meant to live here. But it is ok that you find yourself there at this moment in time.

SH’ma. Listen for when it is time to arise.

Sh’ma is Hebrew for ‘listen and adjust your life to the Words you hear.’ Listen and allow yourself to BECOME that which He calls you to become. When it is time, Arise! In an act of love and devotion and faith in the One Who gives you His NEWNESS, arise. THIS is your identity; just as much as it is in the Before and in the In-between. Your identity is ‘the one who moves toward his/her God’.

Even if you have turned away from SO MUCH…now it is time to move on with the Lover of your soul. It is in the moving on WITH God, that you find your TRUE IDENTITY, the one He has had for you all along. Hebrit in the Hebrew language is ‘Hebrew’. One who crosses over. You are a Hebrew. And you are loved. And He died for you so that you could BE with Him. That is your identity. Don’t despise the journey, yours may look different from anyone else’s. The prize is in moving closer to God.

Be Blessed,

Gail

The Day of Awakening

People who are over-scheduled, over-worked and over-stressed are lethargic and not able to reach for much beyond the daily grind. I know this by watching people and by experiencing it myself at times. In the West, we’ve taken this to an art form and even consider it a badge of honor to be so busy in life. I wonder where this came from? It is not from God. He regularly scheduled breaks for us, with weekly sabbaths, monthly observances of the new moon, and cyclical feast and observance days in His calendar. By and large Christians are not taking advantage of His Days and so they slumber on, dreaming they are awake. Ok, I’m being dramatic, but I want to set the stage. Christians are a tired, overworked people with a solution right in front of us that we don’t see.

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Identity

The solution is to stop striving for identity in the things that we do. Instead we can look at our identity as the people of God, based on His choosing us, not anything we did.  Identity is about membership in a group and is essentially social. We are who we are in community. We are the children of God, not a collective of individuals. 1 Corinthians 12 talks about how each of us has a vital part to play in the collective Body of Messiah. Fierce independence is a western ideal, not a hebraic one. And really, we are poorer for not taking advantage of the collective identity we have. God’s Word is meant to be lived out in community. So are His holy days marking our son (and daughter)ship.

A great way to integrate your adopted child into your family and bring them identity is through your becoming more identified with God’s family through His holy days. Celebrating these days with others just like you around the globe is a great way to demonstrate belonging. We are in the season of the fall biblical holy days so this is a great time to build traditions in your family that set you apart as family and God’s family. As your child awakens to their identity as your son or daughter and no longer an orphan, take this time to also awaken to your own identity as a child of God and no longer a spiritual orphan. Use God’s identifiers. Be the Body of Messiah.

The Fall Biblical Days

The first of the fall biblical days is addressed in the following scriptures:

Speak to the children of Israel, saying, ‘In the seventh month on the first of the month, you shall have a rest, a reminder by blowing of trumpets, a holy convocation. You shall not do any laborious work, but you shall present an offering by fire to the LORD'” (Leviticus 23:23-25).

“And in the seventh month, on the first day of the month, you shall have a holy convocation. You shall do no customary work, For you it is a day of blowing the trumpets.” (Numbers 29:1)

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The set apart day occurs in the seventh month of the Biblical calendar (Not July on our western calendars) so it parallels the Sabbath (7th day of the week) as a special and holy time to seek God. It is as if we have divine permission to set aside the things that distract us from seeking God deeply.

Day of Trumpet Blowing

Interestingly, this holiday has no name given in the scriptures. It’s referred to by several names, one of them being Yom Teruah (the day of the sounding of the shofar or rams horn), so it became known as the Feast of Trumpets.

Scripture reveals the prophetic meaning of the Feast of Trumpets with its sounding of the trumpet/horn. This holy day points forward to a time when God’s people will be gathered back to the land (Isaiah 27:13). Gathering implies first identifying. Many of God’s people are already awakening to their identity in Him. Also, this day points to the time when Messiah will return (1 Corinthians 15:51-52; 1 Thessalonians 4:16-18). Other rabbinical traditions teach the blowing of trumpets is a reminder of the ram’s horns blown by Joshua and the Israelites at Jericho (Joshua 6); and also a reminder of the ram that Abraham sacrificed in place of his son Isaac (Gen. 22), pointing to Yeshua/Jesus.

This season asks, ‘will you hear and heed the call of the shofar? Reflection, repentance, and renewing our heart toward God, self, and man are all deep aspects of this day. It’s as if we are being called to awaken from a spiritual sleep by the sound of the shofar.

I think sometimes when we parent hurt children, we get so caught up in what isn’t that we forget the Who Is and we forget that as parents we have His authority to speak health and healing into our child. We can speak God’s life into our children, we can recognize His life in our own being. We are the ones God entrusted our children to raise. This is part of your identity.

 

 

Short term or long term parenting?

For many of us parents of children from hard places, we get overwhelmed with our child’s needs and can only think in the here and now, like changing behavior and avoiding more problems. Who can blame us? Being in the trenches creates understandable desire for easy and  immediate outcomes, doable in the now, for weary bodies and souls.  “I just want this to stop right now.

When we have a breather from today’s chaos, then we’ll think about long term goals for our children’s futures, right? I totally get that. The problem is, we might not get that breather unless we intentionally take a pause in the middle of the chaos, and reassess what our goals are and what they can be to offer the greatest healing for our child. Can we even look long term in the middle of today’s struggles and not be afraid of the future? I think this is a problem common to humanity.

Kingdom Life

Perhaps a starting place is acknowledging that God’s Kingdom life is one with no anxiety about ‘tomorrow’, rather, it involves being focused on the settled work of Jesus. He overcame. We can overcome. We can help our child overcome. End of story. 

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As we seek God’s perspective, we find that worry and anxiety fall away. We begin to focus more on the things that are important to Him and less on the things we think are important but are not. Our long term plans for our children will be most effective when we do not let fear determine our steps. But walking in this is not easy is it? Looking long term with fear and worry is not the answer because it leads to parenting choices in the short turn that can actually work against the security and connection we are trying to create in our homes for our children.

Short term parenting can lead to reactive parenting, which negatively affects our children for the future. Click the link here to read more about long term vs short term parenting, from a blogger back in 2012, which I think gives a good view on this subject. No guilt trip is intended, but rather a hope to get you thinking about long term, even in the midst of short term needs. 

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God is a God of connection and relationship and He created this need in us. When we have this view in mind, even when correcting our child’s behaviors, we are close to the heart of the Father, Who corrects us in love while desiring closeness.

 

Son (and daughter) ship

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I often find myself astounded by the idea that I am a daughter of the Most High God – that I am a full partaker of His Covenant faithfulness (and its responsibilities) as an act of God as Spirit. God breathes life into what is mortal and corrupted and we are brought into God’s family through His choice, not as natural sons and daughters but as chosen ones.

For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, “Abba! Father!”Romans 8:14-15

Because God is the one who chooses to adopt, the process depends solely on Him.  We do not have to earn sonship. Even in our imperfections, He chooses us. There is much freedom in that. That is truth. But what happens when we do not take hold of that truth? What happens when we hold on to our former status?

For me, I act like a spiritual orphan again. I go around looking for love and acceptance in the eyes of humans. I shrink back from my Covenant responsibilities and act like a slave to sin again. I ‘act up’ and do not obey my Heavenly Father. I mistrust Him. And it is not just me, we all do this when we take our thoughts off of the wonderful truth that we are sons and daughters of God. And what is God’s response when we stray? He invites us again to come to Him and remember our identity in Him. In fact, He even created a calendar of activities for us so that we can remember our identity in Him. More on that later.

What identity is your child walking in? Is he or she secure in their place in your family? Or are they still trying to earn a way in? Are they walking in their new status as your son or daughter? Or do they still feel like they are on the outside, looking in? Remember, children who come from loss often carry a spirit of orphanhood with them even when the truth is that they have belonging in your family. Much of the acting out we see in our children is that they are unsure of to whom and to Whom they belong.

Consider some activities you can do with your child to help him or her know by experience that they belong. Do you have a regular ‘family time’? Do you have family rituals you can participate in together, things that say ‘we are family’? It could be fun to come up with new rituals – those activities that say WE ARE FAMILY. I think it is in our nature to like to celebrate together, as a showing that we belong. I mean, how many man-made celebrations do we have here in the west? And don’t our children love to participate in them with us, especially when we put our own family ‘spin’ on them? Of course! Did you know that God has His own ‘family rituals’ too, that He invites His children to participate in? They are in the bible and they are for US!

God has family rituals and celebrations that mark us as His!

An often-neglected truth is that God created His divine calendar on the fourth day of creation, to teach us about His plan of redemption through Jesus/Yeshua the Messiah. “And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years”. (Gen.1:14) The word seasons (Hebrew word moed, or moedim in the plural form) isn’t seasons like we think of the words for spring, summer, fall, and winter.  Moed means “an appointed time, a festival.”

Also in Psalm 104:9 “God appointed the moon for seasons”, the word seasons is “moedim”. God appointed the moon to determine the appointed times and festivals. In the ancient times the prophets and the apostles looked to the moon to determine the God-inspired calendar, knowing that the new moon marks the beginning of a month, and a full moon the middle of a month. His set apart days were determined by moon phase. At creation.

It is amazing to realize that these “moadim-appointed times” were set in the earth prior to the creation of any living being. Before man was ever created, before any sin was committed, God had already created a timetable for His children to meet with Him as a sign of belonging. In the Amplified Bible Genesis 1:14 says, “Let them be signs, and tokens (these lights) of God’s provident care”. Provident care points to our son (daughter)ship in Him. These appointed times are signs of God’s agreement with us, that He is our God and we are His people. When we celebrate them together with Him and others, we are saying to the world that WE ARE FAMILY.

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We are coming up on the fall celebrations, starting with the Feast of Trumpets. Maybe this is the year you and your family can celebrate together the wonderful truth that no one can take away from you – YOU BELONG TO GOD.

Be Blessed,

Gail

 

 

 

Letting GO

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Facebook is a source for some great memes. I love this one I saw today, perfect for September 1st! Here in Montana, the leaves are not changing colors yet, but the promise is in the air. Fall is my favorite time of year, perhaps as a throw-back to my southern roots because it gets so hot in Arkansas where I grew up and we all longed for cool relief. Maybe if I was a Montana native I wouldn’t love autumn so much, because it is a reminder of the frigid winters here.

But maybe I love autumn the best of all the seasons because somewhere deep in my spirit I recognize autumn for its themes of a final harvest before the dormant period. There is such rapid growth of life during the spring, development during the summer and first harvests, and then comes those amazing leaves in autumn which change color before falling to the ground. Winter provides a rest and snuggling in.

“The trees are about to show us how lovely it is to let things go.”  

What is God asking YOU to let go of this season? Just as tree leaves turn vibrant color as if to say, ‘pay attention to me’, perhaps there are things God is highlighting for you, in your life? God is asking me to let go of guilt and shame for things He has already forgiven me of that I repented of as a younger parent who did not know better. My children are now adults and I still try to carry guilt that is no longer mine to carry. God is highlighting that, and telling me to let it go as an act of honor for what Jesus/Y’shua did for me already with His Resurrection.

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Are you carrying guilt like this? Are there things the enemy whispers to you now that that you know better, about things you did when you didn’t know better? Here me in this, if you have already repented of it, that is not your voice of accusation. That is certainly not God’s voice. His conviction about unrepented sin comes with the promise of restoration and return to relationship with Him. He NEVER accuses you of things you are already forgiven of. We are not designed to look back on past actions we have repented of, and dwell on failures as if we will never rise above.

Is it time to let go of this kind of guilt and shame? Watch the leaves. See them turn bright colors. Watch them fall. And remember to let go.

 

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Father, today I ask forgiveness of all the negative and harmful words I have spoken about myself, all the times I listened to the enemy speak for me and for you. I thank you that you have forgive me of _______, and I will walk in that forgiveness from today forward. Help me experience your Presence in my life, to KNOW that I am forgiven. Let me use my thoughts and actions to honor the Forgiveness you have given me through Your Son.  I ask this in the merit and worth of Jesus/Y’shua, Who did so much for me. Amen.

Be Blessed,

Gail

Calm. Confident. Compassionate.

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Much of what TBRI talks about is creating an environment for your child that lessens the number of times your hurt child acts out, and decreases their episodes of dysregulation. But a huge area of challenge I hear from parents and caregivers (and faced myself as a parent) involves the times when your child is already dysregulated. In that state of being, you are no longer looking for proactive solutions to avoid the meltdown,  you’re deep into behavior management of the current episode. This has to stop now!

While it is a reasonable thing to expect a healthy child to calm down on their own, for many of our kids who come from abuse and neglect environments and for our kids whose regulatory systems are underdeveloped for any number of other reasons, this is asking for something our children are not yet capable of doing.

I need to share a biological truth with you that, when I first heard it, hit me hard. In that moment of your child melting down, your child may not even be capable of processing information in their brains. In these moments, physiologically, they are in a quicksand of their body’s survival functioning processes and their rational mind goes ‘off-line’.

THERE IS A BATTLE GOING ON, UNSEEN.

There are so many higher order physical processes that go on internally to take one’s body from dysregulation to calm, and we don’t see any of it because it’s happening inside the body. Especially for our hurt children, these systems of restoring balance and calm are in direct competition with another body system that is much more developed in them and so highly sensitive that it takes over even the body’s natural desires to be calm and regulated . Our children have over- reactive and more developed survival systems of fight, flight, and freeze which kick in at times when it doesn’t even need to. A hurt child’s body registers survival mode when there is no real threat and this creates physical chaos that we see manifest as fits, temper tantrums, screaming, etc. The hard truth is that anything we say to them at this time does not carry the weight and meaning that we need it to in order for them to calm down on their own.

But hear this though.  It is not a matter of they won’t listen, but they can’t. They are drowning in their dysregulation and their bodies become incapable of rescuing themselves. Here is a God moment if ever there is one, right? We know about being incapable of rescuing ourselves don’t we? We know that in a spiritual sense, we needed an outside force to take us from the chaos resulting from ‘lost-ness’ to the calm (shalom, peace) of reconciliation with God our Father. We could not, and can not save ourselves. Our children’s physical dyregulation is a mirror of that chaos we can remember ourselves experiencing before God rescued us. Does this change how you look at your dysregulated child?

This is how our own eyes and hearts of compassion can get kicked into gear, as we see parallels of our child’s physical dysregulations with our own spirituals needs that have been met through Jesus.  It is a tall order, but here is what needs to happen. We need to remember that we needed rescuing from spiritual dysregulation  – it was not something we were capable of doing for ourselves. We needed a calm, confident, and compassionate God to step outside of time and eternity and come to our level and take us out of that chaos. As image bearers of God to the world, we can model for our children in their physical dysregulation what Jesus did for us spiritually. We can be the calm, confident, and compassionate force for our children.

We can always learn the tips, techniques, and strategies to be there for our children, and to help co-regulate them out of their physical and emotional storms. That is the easy part, its just a matter of gaining knowledge. TBRI has some amazingly effective ones. But the real healing comes, I believe, when we parents co-labor with God to change the way we look at our children’s struggles. We can see even our child’s maladaptive behavior as an opportunity to model for them the love and rescue that God has done for us. We can transform our minds to see our children anew, through God’s compassion, with His calmness (shalom/peace) and in the confidence that He will help us heal our children when we co-labor with Him. Then we all win. We are all healed.

 

 

For more information on how early childhood trauma and neglect create fragile regulatory systems – and how TBRI can help parents re-shape their child’s brain for health and healing, please watch this 10 minute video. (It is part of the larger resources available from the Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development.)